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My Greatest Fear #31: Causing a Car Accident with a Sneeze
I’m surprised the human race has survived despite the bodily function we call sneezing. When you sneeze, you project your innards at 100 mph into the surrounding air. We’re talking about a force so...
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My Greatest Fear #32: Drowning in My Sleep
People do weird things in their sleep, don’t they? When I was a young boy, I used to sleepwalk when I had to go to the bathroom. My parents once found me climbing up a bookshelf; they always asked me...
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My Greatest Fear #33: That I Can Smell Toxic Odorless Gases and I’M SMELLING...
Sorry about the all-caps in the title there, folks. I can’t bold or italicize in the entry title. I have what scientists call a “fairly keen sense of smell.” I wonder if people who get migraines have...
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My Greatest Fear #34: Getting Stuck with a Full Bladder
A few years ago, I was on a flight back to St. Louis. I kind of had to go to the bathroom just before we started our descent, but I was in a good plane-coma state, so I decided to wait until we arrived...
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My Greatest Fear #35: That the Laptop Is Still on After You Close It
The way laptops should work (and 99% of the time, this is how theydo work) is when you close them, they go to sleep, and when you shut them down and close them, they do indeed shut down. But every once...
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My Greatest Fear #36: That the Awesome Guest Star Won’t Become a Series Regular
Recently, something terrible happened on New Girl. Olivia Munn left the show. Granted, she was only in three episodes, but I love me some Olivia Munn, so to add her to one of my favorite shows made me...
View ArticleMy Greatest Fear #37: Passing Out from Exhaust Fumes While Cleaning Snow Off...
Last Saturday night, it snowed in St. Louis. I woke up Sunday morning to find my car covered with about 4 inches of powder. As I was brushing snow off my car (I brush ALL of the snow off my car, even...
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My Greatest Fear #38: Staining My Dress Pants the Day After I Get Them Back...
This guy knows what I’m talking about. Confession: I don’t go to the dry cleaners all that often. I wash my other clothes on a regular basis, but for some reason it rarely occurs to me that my dress...
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My Greatest Fear #39: Doing the One Thing You Absolutely Must Not Do
The cup of urine stared at me. I stared back. I knew I was moments away from drinking it. Let’s back up a little. On my recent post about beautiful places in the world, I mentioned the sensation you...
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My Greatest Fear #40: Having 21 Items in the “20 Items or Fewer” Checkout Lane
Yesterday I hurried through the grocery store on my way home, checking off items on my list like a professional shopper. When I arrived at the front of the store to check out, I discovered that most of...
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My Greatest Fear #41: Cutting Off Circulation in My Finger While Flossing and...
I’ve flossed my teeth every day for the last 14 years. You could drive a Hummer over my gums and they wouldn’t bleed (okay, not the best choice of words there, but I’m sticking with it). I use the same...
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My Greatest Fear #43: My Greatest Childhood Fear
Today I saw Monsters University, which was WAY better than World War Z and not quite as good as Monsters Inc (which is probably my second favorite Pixar movie after The Incredibles). Unlike the...
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My Greatest Fear #44: The Copy Machine Light
Today at work, I made a copy on our big copy machine. As I always do, I closed the lid all the way before pressing the Start button. Because, you know, I don’t want to be blinded by the copier light....
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My Greatest Fear #45: Misleading a Police Officer
The title of this post is a bit misleading, but the full title would be so long. That’s why I get to write words here. This morning I pulled out of my parking lot and turned onto the street. I realized...
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My Greatest Fear #46: Missing 2 Minutes of a Movie to Go to the Bathroom Even...
Yeah, I wouldn’t miss a single second of her. If I were a betting man and people were taking bets on my bladder, I would bet that my bladder will someday explode while I’m watching a movie in a...
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My Greatest Fear #47: Forgetting to Go Invisible After Finishing an...
Who would have thought I’d have 47 greatest fears? That can’t be good. I don’t like instant message for the same reason I don’t like text conversations: They end up feeling like a long series of...
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My Greatest Fear #48: Getting a Potato Chip in My Eye
Should’ve gone with regular. As I wrote about on a recent blog entry, I’m a little bit in love with Billy Goat potato chips right now. I only eat a few before lunch and dinner, so it takes me over 3...
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My Greatest Fear #49: All Comment Notifications Sent to Spam
This might be the very first “greatest fear” entry that was inspired by something that actually happened, and the fear persisted afterwards. Because this just happened. For real. And now I’m terrified...
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My Greatest Fear Guest Post
The other day I was talking with my friend Katy, and as she was telling a story, I realized that we had stumbled upon a perfect example of a “greatest fear” like the ones I write about here. I invited...
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My Greatest Fear #50: Spraying Toilet Water in My Eyes
When I was a kid, one of the weekly chores I had to take care of was cleaning the toilets. The method my parents taught me was to squirt cleaning fluid in the toilet, roll up my sleeves, and clean the...
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